Reading about different types of girlfriend-material has become rather mundane with the same girl-types being written about repeatedly. So, I have decided to explore the dating landscape from a totally different perspective. The first in this series is the Possessed Girl from the Exorcist. Yes, she might seem a bit young to romance but we are not here to delve into the legalities of dating. The idea is to find out how dating someone demonically possessed could prove shockingly delightful as a girlfriend. For most readers, the evil-eyed, horribly-scarred and outrightly-scary Exorcist Girl might seem too farfetched to be a dating possibility but to me, she could be the perfect girlfriend because:
1. She is Going to Make You “Stinking Rich”, Literally!
For starters, she belongs to one of the most successful movie franchises and that too in the horror niche. Her plain ugliness ensures that many sequels will be created. She might be invited to scare audiences in other movies or sitcoms that thrive on delivering the shock effect. This translates into you making a lot of money as she would be perpetually tied to a bed, leaving you in-charge of her business meetings and accounts. Further, there is no shame in cheating her because she is a reincarnation of the Devil! The fact that you will smell like stale vomit after spending time with her just isn’t a strong enough argument to argue a vantage point worth millions!
2. She is an Easy Maintenance Girl
The Demonic Girl is every boyfriend’s dream considering that she never needs to shop! Her only demands are her soiled clothes, yellowish teeth and disheveled hair. Despite being ghost-ridden, she obviously realizes that it is impossible for her to step out for shopping. Yes, online shopping portals are there but she lacks the senses to use it!
3. She is going to protect you from Everyone
The word is going to spread fast that you are dating one of the wickedest creatures ever witnessed by mankind. Anyone who has ever dared you is going to think twice before challenging you again. The reason lies in her unargued, Satanic capabilities. She can spew gooey, green acidic fluid and has the strength of a dozen horses. The Exorcist didn’t explain much about other monstrous things she could do but you can bet upon her ability to unleash Hell upon anyone who even looks at you in the wrong way. In fact, you can use her as a shield to live a devilishly-indulgent lifestyle, fully aware that she can protect you even from the wrath of God!
4. She has a Naturally Malleable Body
You must be able to recall how, in the Exorcist, she floats in the air, kicks midair with absolute ease and twists and contorts her body in the most unusual ways. These facts underline her bodily capabilities, i.e. she should be able to delight you in the bed using the most difficult (inhuman) maneuvers. You might need to take a few mind-numbing medications to touch that stinking, crappy-looking body of hers but once you get over the aesthetics; there is a world of animalistic delights awaiting you!
5. She is going to get Self-Dumped
Whether vampires, ghouls or the lady-in-consideration, every creation of the Devil has one major advantage—it seldom ages. This essentially means that after you have overstocked your back account with her money, lived sinfully for years and have had great-but-ugly sex, she is most likely to dump you because of your obvious aging. The advantages of this unavoidable reality are easy-to-interpret. You can start off dating again, as a semi-celebrity, filthy rich and an expert in devilish sex!
I realize that discussing only the Pros of the topic is presenting a biased view but then, as a writer, I can choose a viewpoint that delights me and as Readers, you have the freedom to condemn my opinion, if you disagree.
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