Well if I was to get a pound for everytime I heard one of my friends say there are no good men left I would be a millionaire. And it’s not just my girlfriends who irate me with this line. My male friends do too (albeit they say that there are no good women left!). But it’s simply not true. How can the good guys and good girls both say each other do not exist?! To be brutally honest, I must admit I think us women are largely to blame: it’s a simple case of demand and supply. Many women seem to like bad boys, then complain when bad boys (unsurprisingly) do bad things. So to help, here is an idiot guide of the top three ways to spot a good guy.
Now I don’t mean when he comes to pick you up he should jump out the car and rush around the other side to open the car door for you Mr Darcy style. Let’s be real this is 2013. But if he is in the car and you’re outside – does he lean across to open it for you? Such a small thing represents far more. Let me break this down…a good man will want to take care of his woman. I hear Destiny’s Child being recited…yes, yes, good for you – you’re independent and able to take care of yourself (me too!). But since cave man times it’s an innate part of a man, wired into his DNA, to provide for those he cares about. I’m not talking about providing Michelin dinners and whisking you on around the world cruises every week; I’m talking about being thoughtful and wanting to take care of his woman.
In today’s times where us women are so independent, juggle a successful work life and home life (twice as many single women are homeowners than single men) the idea that a man will come along and look after you – not because you are helpless without him but because he is being thoughtful and responsible – is a real clue that you are onto a keeper!
Huh?! What?! Surely that’s a typo and you mean he does have game. Nope, you read it right; I mean he doesn’t. He isn’t charming, he doesn’t reel off line after line of compliments. He doesn’t recite you poems and fill your flat with red roses. He doesn’t know just what to say to make you forget in a heartbeat when he messes up.
Initially this may sound contradictory. Us women want to hear how special and beautiful we are, and how much we mean to our partner. Of course we do. But actions speak far louder than words. It’s all too easy to regurgitate smooth lyrics and all too often women are too easily blinded by these. Guys with game know how to divert your attention away from how they just messed up, to romanticising about how wonderful they think you are (and therefore, of course, would never do you wrong!). As a women who has hung out with many male friends and been referred to as “one of the boys” throughout the years, I have had the privilege to be privy to many otherwise behind closed door conversations between men. And do not be fooled men recognise their ability and women’s subsequent weakness – it’s what goads them on. Let me ask you this – why do you think it’s called “playing the game”?!
If you need a little more convincing then think about this…how did a guy get game? You think he was just born with it. Like a surgeon is just born with his brains. Ok but a surgeon had to develop his natural talent by training and practising his craft. And so do men have to practice to finesse their game. So the more game he has – the more likelihood he has had lots of playing and practising.
Ok he needs to be able to demonstrate a little more than literally the ability to know the time. We are talking about respecting the time, or more specifically respecting your time together. Plus keeping to time is indicative of a far wider and more precious skill. Keeping to his word. This makes him reliable, trustworthy, loyal etc etc.
Let me break this down. In the ages of mobile phones and transport problems everyone’s time management skills have slacked somewhat. I’m guilty of this crime like the best of us. So 10 minutes late here and there is understandable. As too are unforeseen delays occasionally (but an accident on the same sport of the M11 or your same tube line being suspended every weekend just won’t work with me!). But any later than that and you should be getting a call (not a text) in as much advance as possible with an honest update ETA. Five “I’m around the corner will only be 5 minutes” calls simply do not cut it. Now I might be sounding anal but hear my logic. Your time is precious and if he respects you and your time – and realises how lucky he is for you to give him some of it which you will never be able to get back – then he will make sure he doesn’t waste it. And if he is running late he will be conscious to let you know so you can do something else with it. Plus if the guy’s got half a brain (clearly another sign of a good guy) then he will know keeping you waiting without notice will put you in a bad mood, so it’s in his best interests to appease you so you greet him with a hug not in a huff.
Well these are just some of my thoughts and ways I check for good guys but what do you think? How do you tell if a guy’s a keeper or a bad boy to take a wide berth from? Are you a good guy and if so what traits do you think I have missed of the list?